everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
