My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
