so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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