i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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