I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
