Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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