Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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