is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
