sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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