You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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