You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
