also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
