some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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