so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
