David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
