Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I looked at my own cervix.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
