Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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