Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
