This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
