I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize