my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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