Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
