She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
