Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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