It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
