We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
