They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize