You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
