you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
