My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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