You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize