Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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