Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
