My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
