My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need water and some morals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
