Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
