I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
