But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
