I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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