My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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