I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
