Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
