WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
