I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
