Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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