sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
40s are totally the cure
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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