Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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