woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
