I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
