I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
