she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
