It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
