Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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