some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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