the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
