at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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