apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize