he shaved USA in his pubs
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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