I'm so fucking centered right now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
