I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
