well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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