I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
