I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize