Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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