We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
