you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
