You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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