I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
