Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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