I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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