so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
