I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
