Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't deserve a penis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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