Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
